Category Archives: Personal Development

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How I Mentally Prepared for TEDx

I am excited to share that I recently delivered my first TEDx talk, “From Chaos to Control: Leading Through the First Moments of Crisis.” The video won’t be out for several weeks, but the journey to TEDx KULeuven was both challenging and rewarding—unlike any other presentation I’ve ever given.

And a lot of people have asked how I prepared for the talk.

I’ve got a TON of lessons that I look forward to sharing in a series of posts and perhaps a full guide…but for now, I’ll take a moment to focus on perhaps the most important aspect of preparation: the mental game.

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Negativity (Habit Series #8)

Some years ago, as a new company commander, I encountered a junior leader in my command who personified Marshall Goldsmith’s Habit #8 of the “Twenty Habits that Hold You Back From the Top.” Like many of the destructive habits, this one is a learned, not inherited. It can stifle momentum on any team and, paradoxically, it is easy to succumb to as leaders gain more authority and experience. Habit #8 is negativity.

Habit Series Negativity

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Seasons of Development

In Seasons in Leadership, I wrote about the leader’s role in sensing the environment and guiding teams through change:

Regardless of the situation, the best leaders know that by their role and responsibility positions them to intuit transition and see opportunity. These leaders intentionally develop vision to sense impending seasons. Then they fulfill their responsibility to define reality for the team and empathetically guide their followers through the change. In doing so, they model how to lead through change with foresight and intention.

We often forget that the precursor to navigating change is the leader’s own development, the arc of personal growth that prepares them for the road ahead.

Development

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The 16 Laws of Communication

As a young leader, I was fortunate to discover two authors who set a lifelong foundation of influence for me as a leader: General Colin Powell and John C. Maxwell. I read My American Journey in high school, five years after General Powell led a 35-country coalition to victory in the Gulf War and mere months before my own leadership journey began as a cadet. Inspired by his real-world leadership lessons in and out of combat, I typed up four pages of quotes and carried them with me for years. I called My American Journey my leadership bible.

John C. Maxwell, who I came across a few years later, perfectly complemented Powell’s influence in my life. In case you haven’t read his books yet, John Maxwell is the #1 bestselling leadership author of all time. His most popular work is The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. He writes in stories and simple principles and his books perfectly weave together insight, inspiration, humor, and conviction.

Simply put, John Maxwell is the Michael Jordan of leadership coaching. And his new book, The 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication, dives into the most important skill a leader can have.

Development

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How to Build a Community of Leaders

As you continue to lead, your influence impacts more and more people. You look for opportunities to invest in them. Over the years, you may even build a community among those you mentor. They reach out to you when they approach significant career decisions. Maybe you share resources and thoughts with them through text, email, and on social media. You invest in them, but one at a time and in separate channels.

But…what if you had a way to bring them together? What if you had a way to build real community among those you lead?

Today, I want to share a leader development resource and offer some ideas about how you can build community for those you lead, whether that group is a part of a military unit, a business, or a distant group of leaders you have inspired in the past.

Community

Airmen join in a group huddle at the conclusion of the Police Week Memorial 5K Ruck March at Yokota Air Base, Japan, May 15, 2017. The airmen are assigned to the 374th Security Forces Squadron. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Donald Hudson.
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Service and Sacrifice

No matter the service branch, specialty, or duty location, one question is common to every servicemember: “When should I leave the military?” This question pops up during deployments, following the release of promotion lists, and on nearly every date night.

Pursuing an answer often devolves into a winding conversational journey of assessing the present, voicing struggles, affirming individual and family priorities, anticipating future career opportunities, and evaluating one’s potential to reach those opportunities. Sometimes a family crisis or significant event crystalizes the road ahead, but often the decision to continuing serving or leave remains an ill-formed collection of feelings, variables, and uncertainties.

Service Sacrifice

A Soldier assigned to the Connecticut National Guard’s 1-102nd Infantry Regiment prepares to hug his son after returning home from a nearly year long deployment at the Army Aviation Support Facility in Windsor Locks, Connecticut Jan. 22, 2022. The 1-102nd was deployed to the Horn of Africa in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. DoD photo.
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Why I Removed My Confederate Flag

I grew up in the South. A little bit in Tennessee and Florida, but mostly in Georgia. Though I spent that childhood in the neighborhoods of suburban Atlanta and not in the country farm fields, I still received the imprint of geographical culture:  Southern politeness, Waffle House, sweet tea, country music, NASCAR and The Dukes of Hazard were all accepted – and expected – norms. As was pride in the Confederacy.

confederate flag

The flag of the Confederacy on the ground during a protest against white nationalists in Washington, D.C. Photo credit.
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Partial Thanks

When work, life, and social media collide to create the conditions we typically describe as “busy,” one result is that we fail to fully appreciate. We have only enough margin to partially engage in the process of being thankful, which limits our impact.

Looking more closely at being thankful, we might describe it in three steps.

First, there is the moment of simply recognizing that something good has happened. At work, this “good” might be someone’s effort that landed the big win or another’s unselfish moment to teach coworkers how to be more effective. At home, this is our partner’s daily effort to maintain order, the kids helping around the house, and the neighbor walking our trash can up the driveway for us.

For some of us, even the act of identifying the good around us is a cognitive challenge. It’s not that we’re insensitive jerks, it’s just that too often we’re simply looking the other way. (Incidentally, that “other way” is often forward. We sacrifice the moment for the sake of progress.)

Next in the process of being thankful is reflecting on the impact of the good we recognize. Ok, for some things, noticing is good enough. But for the things that matter, there is no way to properly appreciate the good (i.e. be thankful) unless we literally stop what we’re doing, stop talking, stop scrolling, stop competing…and dedicate a moment to exploring the positive effect that is happening as a result.

Reflecting is the hardest step because engineering a pause anywhere in our hectic day is a monumental achievement. Nonetheless, the people doing good for us really do deserve a moment to appreciate their significance. How are they saving us time, energy, and effort? In what ways are they making the team better? What are they doing that we didn’t ask them to do? Discovering the answers is an intentional process.

Finally, it’s time to do something with that awareness by expressing thanks in a sincere, deliberate way. People want to know they matter, that their efforts make an impact. Many will do their work selflessly, but almost all will do it better with praise. Plus, appreciation is free, arguably the most cost-effective activity we can engage in. It is fuel for growing our teams, strengthening our families, and building our communities.

So, being thankful is recognizing the good, reflecting on its impact, and expressing gratitude to those who matter. Most days, we barely get to the first step. Partial thanks. Today, let’s try to go all the way.

P.S. Upon reflecting, I fully recognize that you have many other places you could spend your time. Yet, you choose to make The Military Leader part of your day and part of your leadership journey. I greatly appreciate that you do. I’m thankful for the engagement you create, the impact you have, and for sharing this resource with your people. Without you, this doesn’t exist. Thank you!

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