In yesterday’s post, I revealed a few of the ways in which I thought becoming a parent would change me. I anticipated the obvious, like that a new baby would transform my daily routine and thrust me out of my comfort zone, and that I would instantly become a persistent example of right and wrong to this little being. I predicted that having a child would also influence how I interact with Soldiers and perform as a leader. Turns out, I was only scratching the surface of lessons that parenthood can teach a leader.
The 1177th MCT redeploys after nine months in Afghanistan. Photo by: US Army Public Images
Almost 3 years ago, I captured some thoughts about how I thought becoming a parent would change me. Of course I knew it would be a “crucible”…a test or trial that causes defining and lasting change…but how would it alter who I was as a military leader? Would I view my role differently? Would I react to deployment orders with less stoicism when I have little ones to leave behind? Would I treat Soldiers differently?
10th Sustainment Soldiers redeploy to Fort Drum. Photo by: US Army Images
I was sure to get these answers (and plenty more) with the birth of our two daughters. Below are excerpts from what I predicted I’d learn as a new father. In the next post, I’ll elaborate on the myriad of other ways in which having children has changed me as a leader.
This article from the Huffington Post discusses seven traits that history and society has typically labeled as weak but that followers genuinely appreciate in a leader. Consider a few connections to military leadership:
- Empathy. Yes, having empathy is powerful when trying to connect with your team or a partner, but consider that empathy can also help you understand the enemy. What motivates him? What are his concerns? What are his vulnerabilities? “If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles.” – Sun Tzu
- Optimism. The military doesn’t rely on hope, but optimism isn’t about being hopeful. It’s about having “confidence in a successful outcome.” Who wants to follow a leader who doesn’t have a positive expectation about the mission, the team, or even his own leadership abilities?
- Altruism. Phrased a different way, this trait is the #2 priority in the military – “Mission first, people always.” The volunteer military has clearly recognized that ensuring the welfare of its members has a direct, explicit link to mission performance. Leaders who do not take care of their people do not survive in the military.
- Discernment. This is a crucial, if not decisive trait for military leaders. Discernment, the ability to accurately assess and judge a situation, forms the basis of our decision-making methodology (“See First, Understand First”; “Understand, Visualize, Describe”; Situational Awareness, Situational Understanding; Design). We must be able to assess conditions based on relevant factors and be able to discard extraneous information. This trait applies both in combat and in the day to day leadership process.
Read the rest of the article here.
Questions for Leaders:
- What approach have you taken to assess the effectiveness of your own leadership traits?
- What traits do you encourage in your subordinate leaders? Do they know what they are?
- What other traits are important but rarely get talked about?
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Go ahead and admit it – you’re just like me…you check your phone during meetings. But have you ever thought about what you are communicating to your team when you do?
This short post from Psychology Today explains what you’re really saying when you distract yourself in meetings and is a good reminder to set the example for focus, discipline, and common courtesy.
Here’s a Tip: I had a battalion commander who decreed, “If your spouse calls during one of our meetings, you have to answer the call.” He set the example when his own wife called and enforced the rule around the room. It sent a clear signal that family is always important.
Questions for Leaders:
- Have you published your expectations for behavior during meetings?
- Are your meetings engaging enough to keep people from becoming distracted?
- In what other ways might you be distracted when engaging with your team throughout the day?
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“A Summer with Grant” Reading Series by ‘From the Green Notebook’
Check out this professional reading opportunity using the Memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant, hosted by the “From the Green Notebook” Blog. Get a free digital copy of the book and connect to a group of professionals for discussion and debate. Topics include “Professional Military Education,” “Leaders at War,” and “Developing Strategic Thinking.” Be sure to pass it on to your team.
Starts June 23rd, so click here for details or email Read2Lead2014@gmail.com for questions.
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The Iron Major Survival Guide is 29 pages of advice on how to succeed as a field grade officer. It includes everything from how to arrive as the new S3/XO to how to set up systems for unit property accountability. This document will make you a better manager and leader, period.
(Hint: it’s not just for field grades. NCOs, junior, and senior officers need to read this, too.)
Iron Major Survival Guide V2
Here are some excerpts:
- The ability to anticipate and fix problems before they happen is why FG officers are paid the big bucks. Key to this is time to think. Get yourself out of the knife fight early and often. Hold your staff to extremely high standards early so you can build a level of trust and confidence in them that allows you to decentralize taskings and grants you the space and time to ask the “what if?” Spend your time anticipating what could go wrong then take steps to avoid failure.
- Apply some analysis to emails; don’t manage/lead your staff by forwarding higher HQ/or the boss’ orders. Make them your own. An “FYI” on a forwarded formation time is acceptable, but when the boss writes you and says “I’m tired of units submitting their Green 2 reports late”, don’t simple forward to company commanders and write “please note BN CDR comments below.
- If you can’t get out of the office most nights by 1800, then you are doing a poor job of time and task management.
- If you think staying up for 48 hours will make you more efficient and garner the respect of your subordinates, then you are probably oblivious to the poor decisions you made or the irascibility you demonstrated for them over that time.
- Figure out how to assign tasks, give guidance, establish suspenses, follow up, and quality control. It’s easy to hand out tasks, it’s harder to remember to keep track and follow up.
- Remember, that in addition to managing your staff, you still have to ‘lead’ your staff. Many a good junior officer has decided to bail on the Army because of a bad experience on a staff, most of which were instigated by a leader who didn’t care enough to lead them.
There’s a lot of truth to the idea that our responsibility as military leaders goes beyond training our Soldiers to be good Soldiers. I am of the firm belief that we also have an obligation to make them better men/women, better fathers/mothers, and better citizens that will contribute with a lifetime of service, even outside the military.
Be sure to pass on this article from Business Insider.
The Bottom Line is a tough fact to accept:
Veterans often feel entitled to a well-paying job following active duty and
don’t do enough to prepare for the reality they will face after transitioning.
Here are some takeaways that service members at ALL RANKS could benefit from refining before they depart:
- You Can’t (or Won’t) Accept That You’re Starting Over
- You Don’t Know What You Want to Do
- You Believe You’re Unique (Just Like Everyone Else)
- You Didn’t Prepare For The Interview
“Thank You For Your Military Service – Now Here Are 9 Reasons Why I Won’t Hire You” by Sultan Camp was published by Business Insider on January 3, 2014.
I stumbled upon this blog and instantly noted the high quality of thought and writing by the blog’s author, an Army Captain of ten years. This blog is certainly worth your time, particularly if you are interested in professional reading, developing yourself intellectually, or providing resources to your team. The Archives have a trove of good insights, too. Great work and exactly the type of influence our profession needs!
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