The holidays are always associated with presents and the positive feelings associated with both giving and receiving a gift. Recently as I was unpacking holiday boxes and trimming the tree, I grew nostalgic reflecting on the ornaments given to me by my Leaders across various assignments. As a new leader of an organization, this year I was responsible for creating and sharing this year’s ornament.
I was very fortunate to have a thorough and complete handover with the previous leader who even included this seemingly minor detail in the transition plans. Among all of the wisdom that he shared, he left me with the insight about the power of gift giving within an organization. This idea is derived from Garry Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
Many military families reference Chapman’s book to improve family balance through enhanced relationships. His theory states that love is received and expressed in five “languages”: gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. Many of Chapman’s lessons are as equally important in our military organizations as in our personal lives.
We have experienced this often in our military careers and typically depart with enough momentos to apportion an entire house. Coins, poker chips, framed prints, plaques, kitchen service-ware, wine glasses, beer steins, broaches, pins, baby cups, and even custom grill sets adorned with organizational symbols and colors serve as proud reminders to those with whom we have served. Chapman says that people have a higher affinity for feeling love in one of the languages more than the others. Presenting tokens of appreciation is a way to speak to a team members love language of gift giving.
Napoleon Bonaparte realized this two hundred years ago when he said “A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon.” Modern leadership expert Simon Sinek would argue that receiving or giving a gift releases dopamine in the human brain, triggering primal feelings of belonging within the tribe. These ideas reinforce the power of presenting the gift of a coin along with appreciative “words of affirmation” and the “physical touch” of a pat on the back to speak to a subordinates love language.
As leaders, we should use this time of year as a reminder to the power of gift giving to both those that we love at home as well as work. Whether you are admiring the ornaments and gifts from years past or handing out your own this year, Chapman’s love language of gift giving is at work to help build closeness in our units.
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