I woke up at 3am on the morning of my 38th birthday with a persistent muse (which was preceded by a persistent co-sleeping 3 year old and a hungry 3 week old wanting second breakfast).
I want to consider a concept that has been in much of my reading, thought, and discussion lately. It is a concept that has spiritual connotations for some, but whose value in application for the military leader is indispensable.
Gratitude. I believe it’s time we place a higher premium on gratefulness as a leadership trait.
Rediscovering Gratitude
Gratitude is a noun with a simple definition – the quality of being thankful. Thankfulness is much like love; we talk about it in a very diluted manner, but when is the last time you genuinely expressed gratitude to someone? When was it last expressed to you? If you’re like me, chances are high that it didn’t even register.
So why is it important? My simple thesis is that we as military leaders can improve our organizations if we make a conscious effort to incorporate gratitude into our routines.
Great, another thing to do in the day… But in the short time I’ve focused on gratitude, it’s emerged consistently as a force multiplier. It could be the fastest relationship-building tool ever – short of saving someone’s life; transferring gratitude builds an instant, durable connection.
Gratitude is a mutually beneficial mindset. As a leader, if I truly appreciate the efforts of my teammates, I am standing on an emotionally positive platform. We all generally subscribe that our people-based leadership challenges come from an extreme minority (80/20 rule, 2% rule, or whatever you tell yourself). Yet we under emphasize the positive impacts of the majority and let one knucklehead with the blotter report dictate our mood for the day and taint all subsequent interactions? That’s called letting your primate brain take over and it’s a mind trap – but we all do it!
If we ritualize gratitude into our leadership philosophy, we help inoculate our emotional self from the negative anomalies. This frees up valuable brain capital for application toward what leaders should really be chasing – the complex problem sets that confront or could possibly confront their organizations.
Is saying thanks enough? No. Gratitude is about expressing the genuine feeling of appreciation for others in a way that they comprehend your sincerity. Feelings do not become genuine without thought. We say “thank you” dozens of times a day (at least you’d better), but we rarely do so following or preceding concerted reflection.
Gratitude in Practice
I begin working on a gratitude mindset daily with the post gate guards (yes, I compartmentalize – my familial gratitude is perpetual). I live off the base, so my mental entry into my workday is both symbolic and physical. When the guard hands back my ID card, I make a deliberate effort to look them in the eye and tell them thank you – and take an extra second to make sure I really mean it.
I’m grateful that I work at a location that has security. I’m grateful that I don’t have to be the one standing in the cold/hot checking ID cards. I’m grateful that one more veteran (because most of them are!) has a steady job and is supporting himself or herself while helping others.
The mindset quickly builds an emotional wave of thankfulness. But just like a wave, it will crash the moment someone inevitably tailgates me heading into the parking lot, and by the time I get to my desk, I have a dozen opportunities to wish harm on others for perceived slights or injustices… Sound familiar?
Find a way to return to gratitude throughout your day. My practice is simple; whenever I say thank you, I stop to think how much I meant it and then I ensure the recipient understands. Thank you for a simple act is different than thank you for an act requiring sacrifice. Whatever it is, find a cue that occurs frequently and use it to exercise your gratitude.
A Constant Journey
I fully expect it will take me months if not years of concerted effort to incorporate gratitude to a level of maximum effectiveness – getting where I want it to be. But the benefits are worth it. Already I’ve seen noticeable improvements in: awareness, focus, trust, contentment (vs. anxiety), and my ability to forgive. Most importantly, focusing on gratitude has actually made me more emotionally available – meaning more present in the moment. These are only my intrinsic benefits; the positive benefits to the recipients are untold.
A military life is not one of ease and comfort. I am perhaps most grateful for that fact; the hardships provide us wider perspectives. The extent to which we can suffer is the extent to which we can love. I am grateful for the people I have worked with, and the opportunities they have created for our organizations. I am committed to expressing gratitude more than I have in the past… So, thank you for reading this…
[I read Arianna Huffington’s book, Thrive, and recommend it to anyone with a chronic type-A personality. There is much great discussion on the value of gratitude.]
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